I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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