Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
