I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I believe in your delicious
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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