so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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