with your own penis?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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