using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
