Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
