The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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