Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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