We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
