I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
