i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
