i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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