you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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