dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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