I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
