i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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