he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
