I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
