it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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