Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
