my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
