Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
