you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
