I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i've created a new STD.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
