I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
