I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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