Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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