I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
