Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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