i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
