That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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