Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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