i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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