we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
