dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
