I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
