I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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