Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
