I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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