Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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