Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
