When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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