I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
