apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We have started to decorate penises.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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