You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
