im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
