You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
