Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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