hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
