my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
