Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
