dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
