Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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