And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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