i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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