the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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