im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
