We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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