I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
