Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
