I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
