Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
