Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
