we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
