i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
