Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
