2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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