I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
