thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
