he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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