I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
