Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
