My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
